The Fish Whisperer

I have some of the most wonderful clients who fish with me. They range from young families, to retired people. But some are more unique then others.

Tom is a former Navy man who loves being out on the water. He has many colorful tales of life at sea and foreign ports. Although his stories are entertaining, that is not what makes him so interesting.

I have never before heard someone sweet talk a fish on to his line. When he feels the fish starting to nibble it all starts.

"Oh baby. Oh Baby. That's it. You know you want it. Come on, take it now, take it now honey! Oh yah, Oh yah, that's it. You can do it. You can do it. Yah! Yah! I got you now! I got you now!"

And then he calls for the net. " Oh Bear, I got one, I got one! There you go get it, get it."

Once the fish is in, Bill is ready to do it all over again.

I told him, "It's a good thing you don't talk in your sleep, or you would have a difficult time explaining the dream to your wife in the morning."

I can just hear it now.

Mona (Tom's wife): "What were you dreaming about last night?"

Tom: "I was catching fish."

Mona: "Oh, Really? What was her name?"

Tom: "What do you mean?"

Mona: "Well, it sounded like a roll in the hay to me. Have you been seeing someone else?"

Tom: "No Baby! I was just dreaming about catching fish!"

Mona: "Well, if I ever find out you've been cheating on me, you'll be catching a frying pan up side you head! I am serious! Have you been Cheating?"

Tom knows he is in trouble now. He's starting to see the third eye appear on her forehead. If he doesn't do something quick, she could get a knife and do a Bobbit on him.

Tom makes a desperate move. He snuggles up close and gives her a big hug. "Oh Baby, you know I'd NEVER cheat on you. You see the fish I bring home."

Mona is starting to calm down. The third eye is fading.

Mona: "You sure you didn't buy those fish at Costco?"

Tom: "No honey, come on. I am telling you the truth. Why don't you come with me next-time. You'll see."

Mona: "Ok".

The next day I get a call from Tom. "Bear I need to go fishing, and I am going to bring my wife!"

Tom insists on the first possible date. He pays extra to not have any other passengers. He sounded as if it were a matter of life and death.

The next week we went out. Mona is a very attractive lady with a vibrant personality. It was wonderful having them both on the boat. But, when the bobber started bouncing, I heard:

"Oh Yah. Oh yah. Go get it. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

But this time it was Mona making those sounds.

Go ahead Tom. It's safe to talk in your sleep now.

© Ken Bear Cole All rights reserved

Fishing with Bear LLC

I am a pro fishing guide in Portland, Oregon. ! am also a gifted writer of humorous outdoor adventure stories. I will hopefully have a collection of stories published this winter.

By Ken Cole