The Great Eggo Shortage of 2009 - A Christmas Without Waffles

Oh no! The world is coming to an end, the sky is falling, we wont live much longer because of global warming, we will lose our houses in this foreclosure mess, our banks are going bankrupt, our car makers can't produce a profit, we wont have health care, and now there will be no Eggo's for Christmas. Because of a flood and a scheduled closing of the Eggo factory, Kellogg's says there is going to be a shortage of the breakfast treat, Eggo's.

I can just see it now, people will be running out to the store like there is a major winter storm on the way. They wont be just buying bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper, they will be searching the cold case for Eggo's. There will be anarchy in the isles. Gramma's will be holding off soccer moms with their canes. "leg go my Eggo or I will cane you". People will be rolling around on the floor like a scene from the WWF. Watch out Hulk Hogan and Rick Flair!!!

People will become instant millionaires buy selling their boxes of Eggo's on E-Bay. Will your most cherished Christmas gift be a box of Eggo's? What will we do? We will have to eat turkey for Thanksgiving. Oh! The horror of it all. There will be no Eggo's to decorate the Christmas tree with. What will Santa put in his sack? What will the reindeer eat? Children will have to dream of sugar plums on Christmas Eve instead of Eggo's.

Maybe, Just maybe. We can go out to the grocery store, buy a box of Bisquick, come home, gather the family in the kitchen, make pancakes together, sit down at the dining room table, pour the maple syrup, and enjoy some time together for the holidays. Yes, Virginia, there is life without Eggo's.

Most of my articles come from me and my wife's family site, http://sites.google.com/site/chrisandjoncook/. We are also developing a christian website, http://www.mybrosgotmyback.com. She grew up in Hawaii and I grew up in Connecticut. We are both Christians trying to raise a family with some sense of values, which is hard in these times. I have a daughter and a son from a previous marriage. My wife, Christine, is due in January 10' with my second daughter. By Jonathan F Cook

Santa Claus LLC Out of Business Due to Obama Care Health Insurance Costs

Santa Claus knew this day was coming, and he put it off as long as possible, but as the CEO and Chairman of Santa Claus Inc., he had no choice but to file bankruptcy in November of 2009. You see, the commercial credit markets were tight, and he just couldn't make payroll, nor could he borrow the money until the Christmas season was over when the money would flow in again. Over the last few years health insurance and worker's compensation costs have skyrocketed.

The elves just haven't been happy, although Santa Claus has done everything he could to provide excellent health care for all of his employees, and even pet insurance for the reindeer. Geico stepped in to give them a discount thankfully otherwise they would have been out of business last Christmas. Things have been tough at the North Pole because they were expecting global warming which never happened, they were hoping to save on their heating bill and extra money was to go towards health insurance broker workers.

Unfortunately, Santa found out that global warming was not real, and the polar bears have increased in population at an alarming rate, and Santa Claus had to hire more security guards for the factories this year, because the vicious polar bear like eat the bite size elves for a snack. Too many of the elves have been maimed by the polar bears, and this has increased worker's compensation insurance, and cause many elves to file stress claims in fearing for their lives.

But the straw that broke the camel's back was the Care ObamaCare Health Insurance Plan, which raised costs to such a high rate, the company could no longer do its work in delivering toys this year. Santa said he was very sorry and did everything he could to hang on to the company, but it was no use, so "Christmas is cancelled, send your letters to Obama instead," he said.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes in humor to lighten the dialogue.

By Lance Winslow

Santa Claus LLC Filed For Bankruptcy Today

Indeed, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there will be no Christmas this year. Unfortunately CNBC Business News is reporting that Santa Claus LLC has filed for bankruptcy today. The founders of Santa Claus LLC, Mr. Claus and Mrs. Claus said that they tried to run the business at a profit, but had difficulty due to over regulation and a multitude of hardships over the years.

Apparently, the last straw was the new Obama Health Care Costs for the elves. It turns out they had a pretty good health care program all along, but the healthcare insurance company had to raise rates, after the public health care plan came into existence. But there were other issues that cause the demise; it appears that the glitches in the Federal Aviation Administration air traffic control system were also a problem causing huge delays.

After the global economic crisis and meltdown the commercial credit markets were so tight, that Santa Claus LLC was unable to buy the parts inventory they needed to make all the toys this year's Christmas, that coupled with a recent labor strike made it nearly impossible to fill the demand of all the kids who wanted free toys. When Santa Claus Inc. put in for a stimulus package buyout, but the Obama Administration said "It's isn't too big to fail," and it isn't politically correct to support Christmas anymore.

Indeed, this year's Christmas I guess we are all stuck with Chinese toys, that have lead based paint, but on a happy note Mr. and Mrs. clause are not bitter, and they are happy to get out of the cold and move to Florida because global warming just isn't happening fast enough as they had hoped in the North Pole. The Claus's want to wish everyone a great happy consumer Christmas, and they told me to wish all of you good luck.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes in capitalism as you probably figured out. By Lance Winslow

A History of Japanese Xenophobia

Japanese xenophobia should be understood properly prior to jumping to any reactive conclusions. Xenophobia is not really racism, although it can occasionally cross the line in Japan and both are occasionally evidenced. For Japanese society any xenophobia is more of a fear of the unknown and a fear of being overpowered by that which is unknown. In all honesty, many people in Japan are rather intimidated by other countries and also their relatively large people. It may sound silly, but it really does stem from the most basic things like physical size.

Due in part to historically taking the offense on xenophobia, the Japanese government has historically made some rather unwise choices internationally. The results of such choices have made the nation feel somewhat guilty and also somewhat worried about belated retaliation from its closer neighbors, in addition to simply feeling defeated. To go from a state of megalomania to a state of apocalyptic defeat is obviously rather shocking and, as a result, Japan is now much more cautious about its role on the world stage. The nation of Japan was also occupied after WWII and essentially had its entire culture exposed before a relatively judgmental Western perspective. Apparently as a result, some people in Japan also seem to fear exposure and being misunderstood or judged for their lifestyles.

Many things simply are drastically different in Western and Eastern culture. Japan is even quite unique in Eastern culture. To say one way of doing things is correct and one is incorrect would likely be primarily based on the cultural background of a viewer and thus it would be an inaccurate assessment. There are many things considered normal in most of Western society that are not generally considered acceptable in Japanese society, and also certainly many things in Japanese society which would not be acceptable in most of Western society. It is easy to understand why it could be somewhat more challenging to open up completely if there is a history of being judged for some of the most basic aspects of a society.

In addition to concerns about average physical size and a historical tendency for Western cultures to misunderstand and judge Japanese society, there are also basic differences in the general psychology of various societies. Japan has what is most likely the most obedient modern society in the world. There is no modern history of revolution and there are no riots in the streets. People are generally quite polite and Tokyo, although the most populated metropolis in the world, is possibly the safest city for a child to be in at any time of day or night. Purse snatching and the like are practically unheard of and are certainly uncommon. People will stand in herds at a street corner and wait for the light on the crosswalk to change to green, regardless of there not being a car in sight. It is understandable that there could be some concern over people from societies in which the cars don't even stop at stoplights, as is common even in other parts of Asia.

In a way, Japan is like a clock and Japanese society generally seems to like to keep things running like clockwork. Thankfully the introduction and adoption of new ideas is part of what makes has made that clock run so well, and so Japanese society is still quite open to careful introductions. It just isn't so game for any oversized unhygienic elephants to come trampling through its delicate clockwork.

The other writes for Travel-To-Japan.com, which has valuable information about Japanese historical sites.

By Jessica Spinner and Vincent Valentine

Modern Day Beggar

It is a matter all to its own, the act of starving one' self out of protest to all that is wrong. Could it be that society has twisted itself up in a knot that is unable to be undone, but to burn the knot, start over again, is that the answer? Yes I have taken the path into a life both regarded as low and unethical, of a modern day beggar caught on the stoop of a local coffee shop minding his own business and writing the day's activities. A tumultuous and creative life, filled to the brim with pain yet constant epiphany. What if I were to tell you that becoming homeless could instantly flip off the micro chips implanted in everyone's brain and delve them back to the last century. Most of all there won't be the walls that hold in heat or rain, no regular place to call your own; would the night hold you or let you rest peacefully?

Now a days it is a crime to be homeless, but historically, the issue has been in uproar. Vagabonds were known as unlicensed beggars. In 1381 AD a law was passed that gave authorities the right to find evidence to determine whether they were a vagabond, if they couldn't provide the evidence then they were jailed, and in the 1495 statute they were held for three days and three nights. In the 1500's they were whipped. In colonial America they told people who didn't come to work to leave, and in this could arrest them otherwise. But does anyone have time to acknowledge or that is give, or care? The medieval fairy tale was that beggars curse those who insulted a beggar or refused to give enough. They'd go door to door for bread and water.

Now that I am in fact not a bum anymore, not that the term ever truly fit me, it is actually a paradox in that most of the time I spent walking long distances, never has a bum the luxury to sit on the couch all day to watch TV, there are laws for loitering, one must always be transient outside, have you ever noticed that there aren't too many places left one can go to just attend without a justification of a permit or pass, and not worry about something closing for the night, or trespassing? After five months of being homeless It no longer was something I consider therapeutic, yes I was writing my book that took six months of living to write, but every time something crazy would happen it'd serve as the next chapter, and it kept going until I went insane. To truly be sensitive to little things everywhere as people move without the slightest mind, that is one thing about living outside, there exists a spirituality that develops in simple awareness to the earth, it shows up in conversation, music, art, writing, but also it can be a true handicap when the greed of another hems you in and slowly leaves you without the options of being human.

There are crazies out there, another thing is putting up with those energies, on top of yuppies, in between there is little space to move, from vehicular war zones; public places get to be off limits, where does one go? There are eighty thousand homeless people in L.A.; that is Chicago's and NYC's population combined, it is quite obvious that the climate is the sole contributor to this factor. But for a city that brings in millions of dollars internationally from cinema, they have a disgraceful sense of humanitarian value, a city on its last leg and every man for violence, or that is every gang. Somehow we have gotten twisted around; maybe we should then start all over again. My recommendation is to start a community with your friends that serves as a means to live as bohemians. Bohemianism is of French origins, but as an English word used in the nineteenth century it regards to one living an unconventional life style in Europe among like minded people through art, music, and literary pursuit and takes on an anti establishment point of view, and often indigent and poor. You get the best of both worlds as a bohemian. Take in mind, we have to find away to not be codependent on the indoor world, and all its illusions.

By Craig Bowman

My Visit to the King

My first official visit to the king, Taufa'ahau Tupou IV was in 1989. My husband had just been called as the new mission president over the small island kingdom of Tonga. Our mission office contacted the spokesperson for the King to arrange for an audience with His Majesty for us and for a group of our missionaries.

Our formal meeting would take place at His Majesty's Royal Summer Cottage. In order for our party to have this audience with the King, we were expected to prepare a meal for him and his royal family. The food we prepared in response to the King's request included turkeys, ham, potato salad, and trifle (The King's favorite dessert). We arrived with about twenty of our missionaries each carrying beautifully decorated culinary offerings.

We entered the receiving area, and His Majesty sat nearby on a large throne flanked on both sides by his royal spokesmen. My husband had informed me that I would have to crawl in to the King on my hands and knees, and then kiss the King's hand. Being from a democratic society, this tradition was very foreign to me, but wanting to be a good wife, I obeyed. Having worn nylons and a long dress, crawling on the large woven mat on the floor was a challenge, but I somehow managed to make it all the way across the floor to find myself at the King's feet.

The King held his hand out towards me. My little hand was swallowed up in his humongous ring-fingered hand. I gave the back of his hand a kiss, and he lifted me up and looked into my face. It was considered bad manners in Tongan custom for me to look into his eyes, so I looked down. In his low booming voice, he asked me if the man behind me was my husband, and I replied that he was. He then asked me to sit down beside him on the floor while he greeted my husband and our missionaries.

I was very nervous, but I enjoyed watching as each person in the party took their turn showing their honor and respect to the Tongan King. Afterward, we proceeded with the program we had prepared which included reading scriptures from the Bible and singing hymns. It was a very enjoyable experience and one I will always remember. I realize what a rare experience it was.

King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV had absolute rule for more than 40 years. It was in 1967 after the death of Queen Salote that the new King inherited the loyalty that the people had shown for his mother. As he would drive by in the royal vehicle, commoners would stop whatever they were doing to face the street and stand at attention while he passed. It was fascinating to see lines of school-aged children in their uniforms lined up to show their respect for their monarch.

The King was quite an athlete in his earlier days as a proficient pole-vaulter, cricketer, and rugby player. He was also credited with introducing surfing to his island home. However, at one time the King weighed over 400 pounds, and was told by doctors that he would not see his 50th birthday. He then led a National Get Fit campaign and his example was an inspiration to many as he rode his royal custom-built bicycle. Members of the Tonga Royal Defense soldiers would run beside him. He also would exercise in the harbor in Nuku'alofa, the nation's capital, by rowing a boat, paddling round and round in large circles. I personally witnessed him on his bicycle and rowing his boat.

The King had been the first Tongan to receive a law degree. He tried hard to lift the kingdom's educational standards. King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV died in 2006 after which his eldest son, George Tupou V, became the reigning King.

By Ruth Kongaika